Today I want to share the words with you from one mom who supports her daughter’s loss by supporting Crowned for Ashes.
John 10:10
“When our daughter, Carly, found out that her husband, Austin, had terminal cancer, I turned to God in fervent prayer, but I found myself in a place where the words would not come to take away her pain and suffering. As her parents, we did what we could to help in the practical matters while they both continued their educations and careers to the degree that they could during his treatments. But we felt so very helpless.
What followed was 3 years of lovingly caring for him and making the best of their lives together! Their zest for life was an inspiration to behold! None of us knows at what point in our lives we will be called to love “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health” after we profess these vows during the marriage ceremony. They were yet newlyweds when they heard his diagnosis, and they wholeheartedly lived out their marriage vows at this young age.
I am thankful to our friends and family who offered so many prayers and resources, but I felt speechless. So, I prayerfully gave it to God. I believed that what she really needed was to find fellowship with women of faith who were going through similar situations and were closer to her peer group.
Support groups are not easy to find for a young couple going through cancer. Although Austin was in the Air Force, the military support groups focused more on injuries sustained in the line of duty, and the cancer support groups tended to focus on either an older population or on the parents of very young children. As for young couples facing terminal illnesses, this is a unique niche of our society that does not have access to the level of support that is needed.
A couple going through this hardship can feel alone in their suffering, and it can get to the point when well-meaning friends and family have less capacity to truly listen to what the person needs to express. There is no sugar-coating the change that takes place in the roles of both the receiver and giver of care.
I believe that it was part of God’s plan that Carly and Austin met Ashley and Chris
through their association in the Air Force Warrior Games, and a friendship developed through which they could relate in ways that other couples could not. They also could share their faith, and this was an answer to my prayer! Ashley and Chris knew that couples going through this care giver/receiver relationship need a place where they can put aside the demands of caregiving and nourish their marriages.
After Austin passed away, our role as parents changed from supporting her as a caregiver to supporting the grieving of the loss, and once again, we could see that while she knew she had our constant love, only she could carry this and put one foot in front of the other. We held her in our arms, but the feeling of being speechless continued. My ongoing prayer was for her strength, peace, and faith to stand on a solid foundation with God.
Then Crowned for Ashes held its first retreat for widows, and Carly participated in this inaugural discipleship group. We were so thankful that Carly would be with other young women who could relate in a faith-filled place of beauty along the Emerald Coast. What a light in the darkness! From everything she told us upon her return, this experience had a profound and grounding effect on her, and we began to see her open up to the possibilities of what God had in store for her life — a life lived abundantly! She could begin to talk about the loss of her amazing husband and friend and honor his memory in meaningful ways.
She told us about the location of the retreat and how Ashley and Brooke put their gifts of hospitality to use in making the women feel cared for and able to relax with time to share deeply with each other. We saw the floral arrangements, the table settings, the crowns, the blankets, the welcome gifts, the areas for conversation, the fire pit, the beach walks, etc.
We read some of the poetry and lyrics inspired by their God-given talents. At this retreat, there were tears, but there was also a healthy dose of laughter among the new friendships, and Carly described the bond that formed during this short stay by the ocean.
Mostly, we could see that it strengthened her connection with our good God, even as He walks alongside us and provides peace while “in this life, you will have trouble.”
“I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NIV
In the years since Carly’s first retreat, we have learned more about the vision of Crowned for Ashes and how the legacy of Ashley and Chris is coming to fruition. While they have rented space for their retreats thus far, there is no available lodging built with all ADA rooms including accessible surrounding property. Their drawings show that this type of construction would be dedicated to offering such a place for the couples they intend to serve.
We have also learned that the discipleship small groups that form several weeks ahead of each retreat tend to remain in close touch with each other for that continued bond of fellowship, which comes from our merciful God.
Carly has grown so much by being involved with Crowned for Ashes, and she has since led a discipleship group of her own that stays in contact. Her group was one of the first “Rebuilding” groups that took place the following year, and we can see the value of these sisters in faith as they sustain each other and stay connected to the Vine. In this, we have witnessed the Fruits of the Spirit!
We continue to honor our memories of Austin. It was his wish that we would Pay It Forward, and this (donating to Crowned for Ashes) is how we can do so in a way that is meaningful as a mission and provides a lasting outreach for His Word among the next generation.”
-Zoe Ann, mother of Carly
To financially support our mission of creating opportunities for lasting connection for those impacted by loss, you can make a gift HERE
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